As I started reading this I thought of Sudnow, an adept in Ethnomethodology...and then his name showed up! You read Ways of the Hand, one of my favorite books on how we teach ourselves to be musicians.
It's kinda funny: you write about how you got burned out by thinking, words, research. Then you go into a new obsession, and bolster it by reading a text like Sudnow: you will never entirely escape the world-welt, Laura, but you know when to step back, far enough away, to see from a new vantage point. And from that remote area, you craft with your hands other things not words.
How does the Electric Lit article harmonize with making art with your hands? Are not both techné?
It’s an astute observation and you sort of caught me out… but only a little. Basically I did these word-related things (editing the EL essay, the reading on craft) through sheer force of will. Which of course can be done, we can will ourselves to do things, but it feels differently than when we’re pulled to do it.
I drafted the essay when I was still in my writing phase; it was only the revising I had to push through in this new state. If I had had to write the whole thing from scratch now, I couldn’t do it. The inspiration just isn’t there anymore. I am much happier making things at the moment and find words draining. It really seems the urges can’t coexist but who knows, maybe in a future phase they’ll merge. Do you ever experience something similar?
I’m biased in that I don’t want to lose reading your strange clarity, but I love you’ve found…you’ve created some other outlet for your creativity. I really am happy for you.
I often put off sitting down to write something I’ve been thinking about by playing a LOT of guitar. In this I flatter myself that I’m like Sherlock Holmes, playing violin while his mind worked on a problem. Apparently Einstein actually did this, but he wasn’t all that good. It really doesn’t matter how good we are; just play. I don’t know if Woody Allen still practices clarinet for an hour every day, but at one point he did, for many years on end. There is probably a long list of writers and artists who play an instrument to augment their main creative domain.
The point is to “be in the moment” while you play, a nervous system’s departure from cogitation, fact-checking, hunting down page numbers, etc. The brain areas involved seem quite distinct…
I will say: your TWO things: writing and crafting are probably now synergistic: 1+1= more than 2. If that sounds weird, just notice after a year of doing crafts. One seems to inform and augment the other in mysterious ways. (Then again you are a lawyer, wife, mother, friend, citizen, etc: I don’t mean to give those short shrift.)
You’re such a fine thinker and writer. Give yourself time. I like everything you write and I can’t help but think, the process of becoming a lawyer helped you think and express yourself so precisely, concisely and articulately.
This is just beautiful. I can't do both words and making at the same time. Crafting words means not crafting things but who knows which I should be doing?
Thanks for reading and sharing, Julie. Do you find you’re pulled more to one than the other at times? That’s what guides me. If you’re able to make space for both in parallel, it could be refreshing to rotate back and forth between words and crafts. But I seem to be all in on one or the other.
Yeah it's one or the other for me but I'm pretty sure that whatever is the current focus, words or art, the other side is there in my head, working on something new that will for some reason or another insist on making itself known.
This made me smile!!! I'm glad you found your words to share this with us. I'm so excited for you that you found a new fun obsession, how you're embracing it, and sharing these parts of you with your children. I find it wonderful!
Loved the read. There are a lot of things I can relate to. Do you usually go through cycles? I used to have streaks of creativity every three to six months. Now, for some reason, I have a lot more ideas and can work on them on a regular basis. I wonder what changed...
Yes I definitely cycle! I’ve also written about my special interest cycling, because when I first looked at the ASD literature there were case studies of folks having the same niche interest for years and I was like… that’s not me. But this words v. matter distinction seems dimensionally different. I’m trying to track dates better — when mode changes happen, how long they last — to investigate any reliable patterns. Separate from that though, there was a huge shift for me a year ago, at age 39, where I started writing copiously for the first time in my life. I also wonder what changed there. It might be similar to what you’re experiencing with “I have a lot more ideas…” because the writing was spurred by ideas. I’m curious to hear more. Are the nature of your ideas different than they were before? Or just more of them?
Which article is this? The one you've written about your special interest cycling?
I think your words v. matter distinction is super interesting. Have you heard of Allan Paivio's dual coding theory or IA Richards and CK Ogden's triangle of reference? Their ideas point to the fact that knowledge is complete when you have a nonverbal and verbal understanding of things. So perhaps this particular cycle of yours has something to do with balancing the two?
Your change at 39 may be similar to mine at 35–36. I think the direction of the ideas is similar, in that it’s about how things like learning, parenting, evolution, etc connect with each other. But I feel like the volume, clarity, and just the consistency of it are different. I used to have bursts of it for a week or two, 3–4 times a year. What about you?
It sure is hard to tell what's behind this change, because 1) I have more time now, 2) I'm more well read now, 3) I'm writing more which helps organize my knowledge, 4) I started thinking more in terms of images, 5) I am older. If I had to pick one though, I'd probably pick 5) age because I have always been mentally immature.
Yes, that's the one! I have not heard of those theories, thanks for the leads. My shift at 39 started with a compulsion to try to understand my own mind. It then branched beyond my mind toward others’. The core questions always seem to be "why do we do the things we do" and "why are we the way we are" and perhaps "how are we the way we are." Maybe the inciting epiphany was that the notion of a singular human nature is a complete fiction. From there, I sought to understand what my specific nature was, and now I extend that presumption of multiplicity elsewhere. Before this shift, my obsessions were always external: learning Spanish, photography, certain historical figures or periods, gardening. Now I might grapple with similar topics but from a different side. That is, when I’m in the writing/verbal space. When I’m sewing or what have you, that drive to understand myself and others quiets down.
Why did it happen at 39? Lots of possibilities: my dealings with the external world have closed up since having 3 young kids in close succession. My autism diagnosis happened then (though I think seeking out that diagnosis was part of that interior drive).
A more fanciful possibility: something to do about reaching a level of maturity where you’ve experienced the world and now circle back to who you programmatically are, which has the effect of unleashing creativity and expression. Hildegard of Bingen started speaking publicly about her inner experience for the first time at age 39. I’ve seen critics say that Virginia Woolf only found her voice around then; before that she was mostly a literary critic. She published her first experimental novel (Jacob’s Room) at age 40 and that’s the work we now know her for.
Intriguing that we both arrive at maturity as an explanation! I relate to your other points too. Writing generates more thinking and writing.
What do you mean by this: “I started thinking more in images"?
Over the moon for your first by-line, Laura. It's a brilliantly interesting (and so well-written) piece. This (also brilliantly interesting) post reminded me a little of something a teacher told me once when I was stuck in the midst of a lit crit essay - that basically, if you don't know how to say something or how to argue your point, explore that, explore why that is. I feel sure the wave will bring you back to writing, as you have such a gift for it and - perhaps even more importantly - that quenchless curiosity. But if not, those critters are so cute!
I found myself smiling throughout this piece - like kicking back over a cup of tea with an old friend - something increasingly rare these days as the internet continues to feel like one big ol’pit of doom.
Thank you for the peek into your making for making’s sake, I love what you’ve been bringing to life — your children are lucky to have such a creative mum.
Selfishly: please keep writing (but only when you feel like it) x
What a nice compliment Ebony! Thanks so much for taking the time to comment. I spent less time editing and “perfecting” this post than I usually would, and your reaction makes me think I’ve put too much of a burden on myself in the past. That it felt like a conversation over tea with a friend is high praise.
As a writer, editor, and fiber artist, I totally relate to this. The last month has been of flurry of words with a major editing project and a fortune telling booth on Halloween. And I'm looking around and realizing it's been a long time since I crocheted, sewed, or mended anything...
I tend to feel out of balance if I do too much of one and not enough of the other. But there are some seasons where one or the other takes over. It will be interesting to see how your creativity manifests from here.
I was a dedicated maker of dioramas when I was a child. And I have an instinct that might be coming back. Love loved your beautiful work!
Thank you for sharing! Given your background, I have a feeling you’d like the YouTube channel I shared, by Jane Lindsay, it’s actually called Snapdragon Life. She has a very soothing, grounded presence. Nice company when you’re doing something that doesn’t take too much concentration and she offers much to reflect on about creativity and craft.
I’d love to hear more about your fiber art. I’ve always been drawn to textiles. And I also loved making dioramas as a kid.
It's been a little bit since I posted, but there are lots of shorts on what I do.
I mostly listen to lectures on the history of divination and occult practice, but the channel you recommended sounds like it might be a nice addition to that.
I watched a couple of her videos! She has a lovely way of talking, and I really appreciate her contributions on the mental and physical health aspects of being a creative maker. Thank you so much for that suggestion. What have you learned from her or taken away from watching?
Hi! And this is a gorgeous piece of writing. I loved seeing your creations and reading about your life with your kids. This was inspiring and moving to read x
As I started reading this I thought of Sudnow, an adept in Ethnomethodology...and then his name showed up! You read Ways of the Hand, one of my favorite books on how we teach ourselves to be musicians.
It's kinda funny: you write about how you got burned out by thinking, words, research. Then you go into a new obsession, and bolster it by reading a text like Sudnow: you will never entirely escape the world-welt, Laura, but you know when to step back, far enough away, to see from a new vantage point. And from that remote area, you craft with your hands other things not words.
How does the Electric Lit article harmonize with making art with your hands? Are not both techné?
It’s an astute observation and you sort of caught me out… but only a little. Basically I did these word-related things (editing the EL essay, the reading on craft) through sheer force of will. Which of course can be done, we can will ourselves to do things, but it feels differently than when we’re pulled to do it.
I drafted the essay when I was still in my writing phase; it was only the revising I had to push through in this new state. If I had had to write the whole thing from scratch now, I couldn’t do it. The inspiration just isn’t there anymore. I am much happier making things at the moment and find words draining. It really seems the urges can’t coexist but who knows, maybe in a future phase they’ll merge. Do you ever experience something similar?
I’m biased in that I don’t want to lose reading your strange clarity, but I love you’ve found…you’ve created some other outlet for your creativity. I really am happy for you.
I often put off sitting down to write something I’ve been thinking about by playing a LOT of guitar. In this I flatter myself that I’m like Sherlock Holmes, playing violin while his mind worked on a problem. Apparently Einstein actually did this, but he wasn’t all that good. It really doesn’t matter how good we are; just play. I don’t know if Woody Allen still practices clarinet for an hour every day, but at one point he did, for many years on end. There is probably a long list of writers and artists who play an instrument to augment their main creative domain.
The point is to “be in the moment” while you play, a nervous system’s departure from cogitation, fact-checking, hunting down page numbers, etc. The brain areas involved seem quite distinct…
I will say: your TWO things: writing and crafting are probably now synergistic: 1+1= more than 2. If that sounds weird, just notice after a year of doing crafts. One seems to inform and augment the other in mysterious ways. (Then again you are a lawyer, wife, mother, friend, citizen, etc: I don’t mean to give those short shrift.)
You’re such a fine thinker and writer. Give yourself time. I like everything you write and I can’t help but think, the process of becoming a lawyer helped you think and express yourself so precisely, concisely and articulately.
This is just beautiful. I can't do both words and making at the same time. Crafting words means not crafting things but who knows which I should be doing?
Thanks for reading and sharing, Julie. Do you find you’re pulled more to one than the other at times? That’s what guides me. If you’re able to make space for both in parallel, it could be refreshing to rotate back and forth between words and crafts. But I seem to be all in on one or the other.
Yeah it's one or the other for me but I'm pretty sure that whatever is the current focus, words or art, the other side is there in my head, working on something new that will for some reason or another insist on making itself known.
This made me smile!!! I'm glad you found your words to share this with us. I'm so excited for you that you found a new fun obsession, how you're embracing it, and sharing these parts of you with your children. I find it wonderful!
Aww, thanks Hanna. That's so kind and generous.
Loved the read. There are a lot of things I can relate to. Do you usually go through cycles? I used to have streaks of creativity every three to six months. Now, for some reason, I have a lot more ideas and can work on them on a regular basis. I wonder what changed...
Yes I definitely cycle! I’ve also written about my special interest cycling, because when I first looked at the ASD literature there were case studies of folks having the same niche interest for years and I was like… that’s not me. But this words v. matter distinction seems dimensionally different. I’m trying to track dates better — when mode changes happen, how long they last — to investigate any reliable patterns. Separate from that though, there was a huge shift for me a year ago, at age 39, where I started writing copiously for the first time in my life. I also wonder what changed there. It might be similar to what you’re experiencing with “I have a lot more ideas…” because the writing was spurred by ideas. I’m curious to hear more. Are the nature of your ideas different than they were before? Or just more of them?
Which article is this? The one you've written about your special interest cycling?
I think your words v. matter distinction is super interesting. Have you heard of Allan Paivio's dual coding theory or IA Richards and CK Ogden's triangle of reference? Their ideas point to the fact that knowledge is complete when you have a nonverbal and verbal understanding of things. So perhaps this particular cycle of yours has something to do with balancing the two?
Your change at 39 may be similar to mine at 35–36. I think the direction of the ideas is similar, in that it’s about how things like learning, parenting, evolution, etc connect with each other. But I feel like the volume, clarity, and just the consistency of it are different. I used to have bursts of it for a week or two, 3–4 times a year. What about you?
It sure is hard to tell what's behind this change, because 1) I have more time now, 2) I'm more well read now, 3) I'm writing more which helps organize my knowledge, 4) I started thinking more in terms of images, 5) I am older. If I had to pick one though, I'd probably pick 5) age because I have always been mentally immature.
Yes, that's the one! I have not heard of those theories, thanks for the leads. My shift at 39 started with a compulsion to try to understand my own mind. It then branched beyond my mind toward others’. The core questions always seem to be "why do we do the things we do" and "why are we the way we are" and perhaps "how are we the way we are." Maybe the inciting epiphany was that the notion of a singular human nature is a complete fiction. From there, I sought to understand what my specific nature was, and now I extend that presumption of multiplicity elsewhere. Before this shift, my obsessions were always external: learning Spanish, photography, certain historical figures or periods, gardening. Now I might grapple with similar topics but from a different side. That is, when I’m in the writing/verbal space. When I’m sewing or what have you, that drive to understand myself and others quiets down.
Why did it happen at 39? Lots of possibilities: my dealings with the external world have closed up since having 3 young kids in close succession. My autism diagnosis happened then (though I think seeking out that diagnosis was part of that interior drive).
A more fanciful possibility: something to do about reaching a level of maturity where you’ve experienced the world and now circle back to who you programmatically are, which has the effect of unleashing creativity and expression. Hildegard of Bingen started speaking publicly about her inner experience for the first time at age 39. I’ve seen critics say that Virginia Woolf only found her voice around then; before that she was mostly a literary critic. She published her first experimental novel (Jacob’s Room) at age 40 and that’s the work we now know her for.
Intriguing that we both arrive at maturity as an explanation! I relate to your other points too. Writing generates more thinking and writing.
What do you mean by this: “I started thinking more in images"?
Over the moon for your first by-line, Laura. It's a brilliantly interesting (and so well-written) piece. This (also brilliantly interesting) post reminded me a little of something a teacher told me once when I was stuck in the midst of a lit crit essay - that basically, if you don't know how to say something or how to argue your point, explore that, explore why that is. I feel sure the wave will bring you back to writing, as you have such a gift for it and - perhaps even more importantly - that quenchless curiosity. But if not, those critters are so cute!
Thanks for reading Jayne and thanks for your words of support!
I found myself smiling throughout this piece - like kicking back over a cup of tea with an old friend - something increasingly rare these days as the internet continues to feel like one big ol’pit of doom.
Thank you for the peek into your making for making’s sake, I love what you’ve been bringing to life — your children are lucky to have such a creative mum.
Selfishly: please keep writing (but only when you feel like it) x
What a nice compliment Ebony! Thanks so much for taking the time to comment. I spent less time editing and “perfecting” this post than I usually would, and your reaction makes me think I’ve put too much of a burden on myself in the past. That it felt like a conversation over tea with a friend is high praise.
As a writer, editor, and fiber artist, I totally relate to this. The last month has been of flurry of words with a major editing project and a fortune telling booth on Halloween. And I'm looking around and realizing it's been a long time since I crocheted, sewed, or mended anything...
I tend to feel out of balance if I do too much of one and not enough of the other. But there are some seasons where one or the other takes over. It will be interesting to see how your creativity manifests from here.
I was a dedicated maker of dioramas when I was a child. And I have an instinct that might be coming back. Love loved your beautiful work!
Thank you for sharing! Given your background, I have a feeling you’d like the YouTube channel I shared, by Jane Lindsay, it’s actually called Snapdragon Life. She has a very soothing, grounded presence. Nice company when you’re doing something that doesn’t take too much concentration and she offers much to reflect on about creativity and craft.
I’d love to hear more about your fiber art. I’ve always been drawn to textiles. And I also loved making dioramas as a kid.
Okay, I will check that out. You can see more about my fiber art on my YouTube channel https://youtube.com/@robinfpoolfiberart?si=A6bbTUlaIKMJrVRu
And I'm also on Instagram at @robinfpool fiberart
It's been a little bit since I posted, but there are lots of shorts on what I do.
I mostly listen to lectures on the history of divination and occult practice, but the channel you recommended sounds like it might be a nice addition to that.
I watched a couple of her videos! She has a lovely way of talking, and I really appreciate her contributions on the mental and physical health aspects of being a creative maker. Thank you so much for that suggestion. What have you learned from her or taken away from watching?
Hi! And this is a gorgeous piece of writing. I loved seeing your creations and reading about your life with your kids. This was inspiring and moving to read x
Wow, thanks Chelsey. That means a lot!