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Feminist Science's avatar

This me, spiraling right now from uncertainty, lack of control over my time visiting relatives for 2 weeks. Oh my God you see me.

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Anonymous Fork's avatar

What fascinates me about IU is how it shows up.

There is friction between intuitive clarity and socially enforced ambiguity. Many of us learn early on to override intuition. We’re taught to mask, conform and adopt rules that don’t make sense. I wonder if some of the anxiety we feel later in uncertain situations is the result of being trained to question our own intuitive signals.

Recently, I spent weeks trying to figure out the psychology of an acquaintance. I always got an “off” feeling about him, but because he’s connected to a friend, I did the socially acceptable thing: override intuition and give him a chance. That was far easier than saying, “Bro, you creep me out. What’s up with you?”

After he sent an email that didn’t sit right, I started digging to ease the uncertainty. On the outside, it looked obsessive. I was embarrassed about the amount of articles I was looking up and switched tabs in shame when my husband walked by. But inside, it felt like creating safety.

I’d never encountered someone who manipulated people the way he does, and I became curious about the mechanics how someone ends up like that. Once I had a name for it, a reason for it, and patterns to look out for, (as usual) I let it go… but not so much that I don’t still talk about this “discovery.”

That is the downside of IU for me. The upside is that I get to create and write what interests me without regard or care what anyone else is doing or how they’re doing it. Creating, for me, is intuitive. And for whatever reason, people tend to accept antidotes for IU when you’re a creative. They stop holding you accountable to social contracts you never agreed to sign. Your writing, again, exemplifies the beauty of IU.

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